We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
