Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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