Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
