I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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