I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
