Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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