I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I intend to get homeless drunk
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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