he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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