Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
