I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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