Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
