At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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