im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
wow bdsm is so cute
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