Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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