did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
