I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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