I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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