nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
