meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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