shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have feelings that need drinking.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
