you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
