My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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