please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
