We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize