I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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