Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
