I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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