She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
