no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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