I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
