So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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