You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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