Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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