how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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