Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
