Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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