I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
