YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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