Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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