Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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