Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
