who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
