Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
sarcasm needs its own font
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
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