Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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