More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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