She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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