I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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