we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
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Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
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She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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