shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
