A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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