her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
