i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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