yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
