Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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