I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
