Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
