Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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