i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
