she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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