WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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