Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
