I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Who died my cat blue again?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
