i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
