what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
