I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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