I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
