I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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