Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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