So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
