It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can I color on your dick again?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
BRING THE BAGELS
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
