ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
