yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
