his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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