I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
