The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
