Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
