the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
